those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
