ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize