i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
