even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
