You can't special order awesome
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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