guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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