Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
wat bout pragnant strippers??
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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