pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
