I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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