dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
