God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
