New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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