Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
