HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Apparently you make a good broom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
