Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
