areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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