I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
