OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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