So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
