I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
