shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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