So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Two words: blizzard sex
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
