party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
