I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize