There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
