We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
