Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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