look no pants
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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