Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
