Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
