The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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