He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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