I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
