Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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