He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
