its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
