So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
