Cold hands, warm shart.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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