You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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