Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
