"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
