Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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