Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
