I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
