im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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