Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
