my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
