This girl is more easily done than said...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
