she woke up with a sticky ear
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My vagina is very pro this idea
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
