It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
