Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
