It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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