Swine flu. Run for my life!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
