Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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