Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
