The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
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He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
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how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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