of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
