Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
