Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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