he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
