so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
