I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
