Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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