Having a random hookup so left but love u
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
