U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
